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http://www.ourlittlestars.blogspot.com

Both kids will share a blog as this mommy wont be able to upkeep 2 blogs at one go :)

Hip hip hooray!

WK's finally completed his National Service yesterday - ie he does not have to be called in to serve time anymore (training-wise) but still has to be operationally ready in the event of a war to defend Singapore.

I for one, think, this is a huge step for a male Singaporean - afterall, since the age of 18 one has had to serve the nation via army training, and depending on the vocation, it can be pretty gruelling and demanding. After the 2.5yrs of reservist duty (so it is called), one has to be called back to camp for annual in-camp training (ICT) (may not be annual for some, perhaps every few yrs) of between 1-3weeks (thats the period based on my recollection of WK's training the past few yrs)...

He didnt seem extremely elated to have 'graduated' - I think he sometimes like going back to camp for ICT as it is a different environment and change from the daily routine of gg to work etc. But I am sure, he is happy and proud to have served his time and duty to the country and finally have reached the end of the line - hip hip hooray for him I say.

As family members are invited to the 'graduation' ceremony, K and I went along with him to his Sungei Gedong camp earlier in the afternoon before his parents came to join us for the ceremony.

It was a good experience as it was K and my first trip to an army camp and we managed to take photos with armour tanks, visit the simulation centre and etc. We did take some great photos...

One of our few family photos - and most defintiely one of our last as a family of 3!

WK said 2 persons asked today if I am carrying twins - whoops! My tummy is back to the same humungous size as I was carrying K - I had not gotten such a comment this pregnancy until now :)

Photo of the army's youngest and newest junior recruit! Bought the set from Bangkok when was there in July... cheap and cute :) And best of all, he looks really good with his Papa in uniform!

My boys on top of the tank! Don't they look cool!

K enjoying pop corn and ice cream at the ceremony! :) loves junk food definitely! :)

Papa & son beaming with joy at the end of the ceremony!

Wee Kiat and his guys

The verdict

Was at gynae's again this morning, for our weekly visit - since at 39 weeks, 4 days I have still not gone into labour.

The verdict is out - we know how this pregnancy is going to end - I will be having a ceasarean section at 8.30 on Monday morning.

Why?

1. Baby is still not engaged - we could still see her whole head from the scan - totally not a good sign, as it means that if she doesnt engage during labour, the chances of her coming thru my previous ceaser scar is very high, ie uterine rupture. If this happens, she will likely not be able to make it alive.
   
   


2. Baby is still high up - she would have to move a lot to go down my pelvis for a natural delivery.
   
   


3. Baby is big - at the scan this morning, she weighed 3.783kg - of course we know the weight is not accurate, doc has said have to discount by +/- 10%.. but still at such a big scan size, doc's really not comfortable with a natural delivery for me. He said if I do not have a previous c-section scar, he would have let me try (since knowing how much I wanted a natural birth) - but at this rate, he does not even predict a 50% chance of me making it through. And becos of this he really would encourage me to get a ceasarean for an overall benefit of the baby and me.
   

So that has more or less defined my only route (way out) for this pregnancy.

Am I disappointed?

Yes and no...

Let's do the No first...

1. Cos I always have, at the back of my mind, expected the delivery to go both ways - 50/50 chance. Hence, half of me's prepared this may end up with another lower segment ceasarean section.
   
   


2. I know I had tried real hard and I had put in my best to get her to engage and let labour start naturally - the hour long walks everyday for the past 1.5weeks, the squats, the raspberry leaf tea, the other methods I shall not explain publicly (a little extraordinary and pai say I must say :P), the taking time off work to really concentrate on getting this right - I have done all I could.
   
   


3. It is beyond my control that she does not want to descend into my pelvis, I had tried hard to help her to. It is her decision for not wanting to come through naturally.
   
   

Hence because of all the above, I was feeling quite at peace with myself until 9pm today - I will explain why below. I had told myself I had really tried and it just wont work and one cant force nature or fate to go another way.

Then at 9pm today - a surprised WK on realising my stomach had really grown big in a week - said her gigantic growth this week must be due to a poor diet control on my side - for not sticking to a strict diabetic diet. For a moment, it struck me that he could be right... I had not been monitoring my blood glucose anymore and also not spent too much time monitoring my food/carbo/sugar intake.

I suddenly realised, hey, this could be my fault afterall - perhaps it is not Sophie's (see Note below) choice. Perhaps it is cos I had allowed her to grow too big cos I had been a bad 'self-diagnosed-diabetic' patient - perhaps her head size is really too big for her to descend into my pelvis and it is due to all my own fault. And that is thus the reason for this week's weight gain of 0.3kg to go to her fully instead of myself. Sigh sigh sigh. It feels terrible knowing that perhaps I may have contributed to this after all.

As I am writing this, and rereading my own words, composition, I suddenly realise, yes, I may have my preference of the delivery method, and yes, it may not have ended it my way, but the most important thing is that she is born safe and healthy - that's everybody's point to me - everyone's been telling me the same thing. And I guess, you're all right.

Having the birth that you want is a bonus, but the best thing in having a baby is to have a healthy, smiley, happy one. And for this, I sincerely recast all my wishes and hopes that she will be delivered safe and healthy on Monday morning - and that she will grow up to be a beautiful, lovely, strong, independent and perfect young lady.

I cant wait to see her - to finally hold her in my arms and call her my daughter.

And as a parting shot, I shall leave you with a photo of me and my huge tummy, with K taken today at WK's grad ceremony (will write tomorrow re the experience and post some new shots of K finally)...

I will probably not be able to write next week as I have to stay 4 days at the hospital - so when I am back, will post photos of my new cherubic baby, until then all!

Note:

I decided during yesterday's evening walk she will be called Sophie - more or less for now unless I change my mind again in the next few weeks before we register her birth cert :)

Week 39 & 2 days

Yup, me still here, big tummy and all.

I have given up hope she will be early and as a matter of fact, I am pretty sure she will even go past the due date if gynae allows my pregnancy to go on much longer. This Sat we will know - again! I'm still hoping for a natural birth but I guess everything is now in the hands of fate yeah?

WK is in camp today - he will book out tomorrow and the 'graduation' ceremony is on Sat evening - where he will book in again to attend. I am pretty sure I will be there to witness it :) He says there are tankers on parade to entertain the families.. that would be super cool - will definitely bring K on board and snap photos (if allowed)!

My mom will be here on Sunday - she had expected bb to be born before due date of 7 Feb and thus had booked her flight a month or two back to come in on 4 Feb, ready to see her grand daughter - her first grand daughter. I have told her, I am very sure again I will be there to greet her at the airport on Sunday haha. No, I am not being a sour puss, but now, really, I feel that she is not gg to come anytime soon.... I am pretty pretty super super sure!

So perhaps next week I can even bring mom shopping :) Will definitely have to do some gold shopping as my dearest brother, Jason is getting married in March - we will most prob drive up after my confinement. This will be the first time someone will 'serve tea' to me in a wedding tea ceremony - how strange and yet interesting :) It also shows, I am AGING! :) heheheh

Oh forgot to say. I have been on leave from work for a week already - handed over all my work to cover, Sheela, and very glad she agreed to let me take the time off even before I bomb as her workload is now double the amount with having mine to handle as well... I have been spending the past 1 week w K at home.

How is K now?

He seems to know that Mei2 is coming soon - he is much more clingy and whingy with me - much much. And from 3 days back, he had started to suckle his thumb 24/7 again! He used to only pop his thumb into his mouth when he is scared or sleepy, but now, it is perpetually in his mouth and if you pull it out, he puts it back in.

He likes to hear stories re his Mei2 though, some nights as I put him to sleep I will explain to him what will happen after Mei2 is born and where does he then fit in... he listens intently without fidgeting, sometimes with a grunt or 2 to indicate he agrees etc...

Tonight I told him abt when Mei2 was conceived and how she has grown into a small baby ready to be born anytime now... and how much she loves him, what can he expect when he first see her, and the gifts they got for each other... Told him too there will be a confinement nanny who will come in to stay with us for a month to take of Mei2 and me... and also him. All the way until driving up to Penang to attend the 2nd wedding of his life - he was 5weeks when WK's brother, his Ah Pek, got married, we were there for the day tea ceremony. He listen intently the whole time and got up to kiss my tummy and sayang his Mei2 after the story ended. He then is willing to sleep.

I think he is ready to be a big brother (although he is still so much a baby himself - being only 17+months) - but I am sure, he will need some time to adjust to life with the new baby and the fact that he will no longer be centre of attention. And I know slowly, he will get there, and I will be so proud of him the day he really really takes care of his little sister. I really hope and wish these 2 kids will be the best and closest siblings in the whole wide world! :)

OK these are my thoughts for the night... shall pen off now... no photos to share as I havent been taking any photos of K for months - will take some tomorrow and perhaps post it :) Talk again! Nights

Last day of Week 38

A family photo before WK & I went out for our

3rd wedding anniversary dinner on 23 Nov 06.

I am bemused - tomorrow is the start of week 39 and I am still here, big tummy and all... the last pic I posted of my belly, WK says I look like Humpty Dumpty haha! Just great :)

So reflecting back on the gynae's remark at Week 37 when contractions could be detected by the CTG - he said there is a 60% chance I will deliver in the next 2-3 weeks - which is officially from tomorrow onwards.

By the way, gg to labour is like the story of my life now... I am starting to realise this may be a stale topic to some of you already, my apologies, but seriously, the only thing I look fwd to is to POP!

K is still a sweetie pie, tho clingy, whingy w me... Nowadays he is treating me also like a mattress, pillow all rolled into one - instead of falling asleep in my arms, he likes to clamour all over me, and usually settle himself on the big tummy hump. He falls asleep happy like that! Head on the tummy and rest of body on the bed - way elevated head rest!

At night, as we cosleep - cos he usually climbs out of his own bed and into our bed on his own in the middle of the night, he even knows how to climb over Daddy in the dark and settle himself to sleep btw us - I will have this sticky gluey boy like plastered to me on my left hand side (ie the centre of the bed, btw WK and I).

If I move, he moves closer - it irritates me sometimes as I dont even have space to sprawl out. I dont have any extra space (full stop). So I turn left right on the same little spot I get on the bed - he behaves really like he had swallowed a tube of UHU - Mommy flavour. So I am back to having disturbed nights again - no peaceful 8hr sleep for sure! And I tot I was over that after we weaned him off the breasts. I wonder how we will all sleep peacefully after Mei2 is born! Well perhaps, I will land up on the floor! Or WK, haha!

K's attachment & Bb wait

The closest person to a baby, a toddler is the mom - no one can replace that no matter how many hours the person spends with the child. So is my observation and experience with K. Though I still work (and nowadays, usually full days), Kayden will always prefer me over everyone else - esp his GM - he seems to prefer his GP over her sometimes, a little strange.

I think this upsets her in some little ways - like this morning... She seemed a little agitated that he is calling for me (though I had runaway upstairs when he is not looking) and mentioned "See, he is trying to attach to you again"...

There really is nothing I can do.

I have left him with her when I am unable to take care of him - ie when at work - cos she wants to take care of him. And she usually helps to feed him nowadays as well... She has the 2nd most contact time with him after me (if you include also the time we co-sleep) and I cant help it if he goes "Mama, mama" all the time... She sometimes grumble that "Mom will always be most important" when he tries to be sticky... I think she probably feels exasperated that he has no more preference towards her and I would like to think that she knows this is just basic human nature... Afterall, it should be the same for her when WK and his brother were younger.

Luckily her love for her grandson is strong, and I know she doesnt love him any lesser for this. And there are no grudges with him. So Kayden is a lucky boy! He has himself an extremely devoted grandma!

But seriously, other than the attachment to me, he is usually too slightly more whingy towards me - and everyone attest to the fact that he is more horrible to deal with when I am around - maybe cos he has this innate feeling that he has to call more for my attention. But I am used to it, I dont see the difference, he has always been this clingy boy :) I know he will outgrow it one day... it is difficult sometimes, but I am used to it! :) I just hope he will be slightly more understanding after Mei2 is born!

So talking abt this baby in the tum, she still doesnt seem to want to come out - still posterior at the last checkup and still not engaged. So we wait. People say girls tend to love the womb more and the wait is usually longer? Not sure... but 2 persons have told me since the weekend.

Gynae's nice, he told me he will support me if I really want to go through this naturally, with 1 condition - I must not insist on persisting with labour if he recommends a c-section halfway thru labour. He personally prefers an elective c-section this week. Bb at last Sat was 3.4-3.5 kg - big - but still can work if labour progresses well. She must be engaged though to decrease the risk of uterine rupture.

WK and I have decided we will wait it out this week - doc says no induction as it usually wont work anyway if bb and cervix are not ready (so true! thats what happened with K). Also, cos I have a scar, the risk of a rupture is higher with an induction. So we are now still in the waiting game, waiting now for labour to start naturally.

I am anyway also prepared that I might have an emergency c-section should labour not progress well or if I am not dilated to 5cm after 8hrs of labour - cos doc says those would be the conditions for him to call for a ceaser. I only feel bad that WK cant be in the OT with me cos the procedure will be done under GA and thus, he wont be able to see his daughter being born. He will nonetheless still be the 1st one to see her as I will be zonked out 45mins to an hour.

With K, we had an epi-ceaser, and he was there with me - he could see K being born and was with him when they cleaned him up thereafter, before putting him on my chest. However he was not able to snip off the umbilical cord as that is not allowed in an operation - so that was the closest I could give him last time with K when we were told we had to do a ceaser after a failed induction. He said he doesnt mind this time.. thanks Daddy!

So I shall have to continue with my walks, starting to also take pineapples (which has a substance which induces labour it seems), drinking raspberyy leaf tea (which is supposed to decrease 2nd stage labour ie the active phase), squats, sleeping on my left side to move baby to anterior etc etc. It is TOUGH work!

Introducing...

Me, myself, and my still big tummy.

So, no, she has not arrived. And I know for a fact she wont be here before my next gynae visit at 9am tomorrow.... so the wait continues. A friend said she will be here when I least expected it... as I expect to see her everyday, does it mean she will never ever come?? :P :P I'm in big trouble.

WK will be going for his last of the last reservist next week from Thurs to Sat - has a 'graduation' ceremony on the last day one leh - how cool. If I have not bombed, will be nice if we can attend :) He says he will come out of camp should I deliver during those 3 days - I hope he can! If not.... I am gg to KILL him for leaving me to cope w the pain and labour all on my own!

He is currently very busy again in the office... just like 1.5years ago when K was born - the memories of attending parent craft classes on my own (feeling like a single mom as every other woman in the classes were accompanied, not just by their husbands, but some, their parents also went along). The meals that were served to him (as a lodger) went untouched as he was rarely with us in the hospital - as the new papa was at work until late every night. When K could be discharged (ie after his bili lights), again WK wasnt there to drive us home, so I settled the hospital bill and got a ride from my MIL back home. It sounded quite sad - but I guess I wasnt much affected by it then cos I was busy trying to get breastfeeding to work.

Seems like, this time, with bb girl, the situation will be the same. The Papa will definitely not have time to spare for us again - it is month end closing and he has been in the office until 10pm every day of this week, and will continue until next week for sure. So last night, he told me it would be good bb come tonight so at least he has the wknd to spend with us. Well, fantastic plan, but his daughter, I say, is not interested in listening - I have prepped her as much and even begged her, but she is not budging.

So, we shall see - how we are gg to balance everything on hand... I have no solution - the solution lies in the hands of this little baby in my tummy - but I guess if she is not ready, she is not. I have been walking religiously everyday, no luck - Braxton Hicks disappear after my walks - rather than intensifies into true labour pains. No show, no mucous plug, no waters breaking, basically no sign of labour.

So wait again I shall - unless tomorrow the doc says I need to ceaser - which I hope wont be the case! Patience is a good virtue yeah?